Friday, December 31, 2004
hola señor influenza
ick. i'm sick. i can't remember the last time i felt this bad. i think the last time i felt like this was high school. can it really have been that long ago that i got the flu? this is day four of me being totally on my ass. i've gotten really good at NFL 2k5 on scott's Xbox though. the shitty thing about being sick is that i can't even read. my brains feel like scrambled eggs and breathing is even hard. what i want to know is how can the snot from my nose be a different color than that from my lungs?
Monday, December 27, 2004
carribean cruisy christmas
so i spent christmas day cruising through the carribean with my mom and sister. it was my first, and probably my last, cruise. here's why:
the ship, for all intents and purposes is a hotel. a nice hotel, but still a hotel. it floats so at times can be quite sickening, but because of its size and the control they put into the stabilizers is usually just fine. the food is all included, and while good, is not fantastic. in fact, none of the dishes i had were even worth mentioning. they charged for the alcohol and were contantly pushing you to buy more things. the shore excursions that were organized through the cruiseline were more expensive than if you booked it on your own.
i did meet some wonderful people on the ship. there was this awesome family from colorado that i met scuba diving - their whole family dove (brilliantly at that). and another couple from england that added some much needed comic relief. i banded together with some twenty-somethings because there was fuck-all for our age group to do onboard. there was a disco that was open till 2am with the worst DJ i've ever heard. he sure knew how to empty a full dancefloor.
the best times i spent were off the ship. scuba diving, hiking, snorkeling, walking and driving through the towns.
the hurricane devastation in grenada was dumbfounding. same in st. kitts. i kept asking myself, why aren't these people living in domes made of cob?
the ship, for all intents and purposes is a hotel. a nice hotel, but still a hotel. it floats so at times can be quite sickening, but because of its size and the control they put into the stabilizers is usually just fine. the food is all included, and while good, is not fantastic. in fact, none of the dishes i had were even worth mentioning. they charged for the alcohol and were contantly pushing you to buy more things. the shore excursions that were organized through the cruiseline were more expensive than if you booked it on your own.
i did meet some wonderful people on the ship. there was this awesome family from colorado that i met scuba diving - their whole family dove (brilliantly at that). and another couple from england that added some much needed comic relief. i banded together with some twenty-somethings because there was fuck-all for our age group to do onboard. there was a disco that was open till 2am with the worst DJ i've ever heard. he sure knew how to empty a full dancefloor.
the best times i spent were off the ship. scuba diving, hiking, snorkeling, walking and driving through the towns.
the hurricane devastation in grenada was dumbfounding. same in st. kitts. i kept asking myself, why aren't these people living in domes made of cob?
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
the plan
so everyone asks me, "so what are you going to do?" and i used to enjoy answering with a shrug, "i dunno." i enjoyed the look on people's faces when i conveyed that i obviously didn't give a shit. but that's a lie. i do care what i'm going to do, and its going to be amazing. its amazing now. but the question itself is starting to get on my nerves. my current diffusing answer is, "i'm doing it." although an excellent conversation stopper, it doesn't help people understand what i'm thinking.
and i want to tell you what i'm thinking. because i care about letting you in. here is what i'm thinking:
the question stems from our total inability to live in the present. i think this is a malignant effect of our over-consumptive, status-based society. what's the first question you get at a party after introductions? "What do you do?" i was in New Zealand for two months and i maybe heard this question five times despite the fact that i met tens of new people daily. Kiwis don't care what you do because they know there is so much more to life. Sure, if they know you long enough they'll ask you but they can relate to you just fine without knowing.
so right now, i'm not doing nothing, i'm doing everything.
when was the last time you just sat and did nothing but listen to yourself think? breathe? enjoy that soup you made (take as long to eat it as you did to cook it), watch the rain run down the window, look at a painting (really look into it), take a nap, have a conversation with someone you just met at the market, draw a picture (even though you can't)? the point is, when was the last time you didn't have to worry about what you were going to do after you're doing what you're doing right now?
the surprising thing is i've found that all of these things are incredibly more rewarding and more difficult to do when they are spontaneous.
if you are anything like i was, you would never had really asked yourself what you were doing in your job, in your life. throughout my whole life i had been trying to get that grade to get into that school to get that job to get that money. but i never stopped to ask myself why i was doing any of it.
once i started asking, i didn't like the answers i came up with.
i worked in high tech. we built products that, although they often pushed the limits of technology, were really poisoning the earth and society in tangible ways. now i wasn't in the defense industry. i wasn't building weapons of mass destruction. maybe making video encoders isn't 100% awful. maybe only 30% awful. i may not like TV, but who's to say that others don't glean enjoyment from it? they obviously do. couldn't that be enough for me? to make other people happy?
but driving to/from work 2 hours a day at an everage speed of 35 mph, sitting in a cubicle, designing these products that were manufactured with toxic chemicals, that would be around sitting in heaps of trash that my great-great-grandkids could scale - for what? for television? for a nice paycheck? no way. i was voting with my feet. the natural beauty of the world means too much to me to contribute to a way of life that i don't agree with. i enjoyed working with the people in my company, but all the while hating the structure, hating the premise, hating our effect, and dying a little bit everyday.
i was on the wrong path. and i knew it.
i saw the excellent documentary the corporation the week before i quit. i felt that i had to do something. i went through a period of hating corporate capitalism.
renewed hope came with a trip to New Zealand, where my faith in people was a little bit restored. these people really led balanced lives. most had multiple jobs and nearly all were active. they were an example for the world. it didn't hurt that their country was beautiful either, encouraging them all the while to get outside.
while i was there i read the also excellent Ecology of Commerce by Paul Hawken. if you do nothing else for the rest of your life, read this book! the point: we are generating exponential waste in a finite world. it can't go on. and it won't. so we best start doing something about it. it proposes a real way to have capitalism and a sustainable future at the same time.
so the plan will include a little bit of this, and a little bit of that. but whatever i do, i will contribute to making the world a better place.
its scary to ask yourself the question. the answers can be unsettling. but it is worth it. just ask Po Bronson:
and i want to tell you what i'm thinking. because i care about letting you in. here is what i'm thinking:
the question stems from our total inability to live in the present. i think this is a malignant effect of our over-consumptive, status-based society. what's the first question you get at a party after introductions? "What do you do?" i was in New Zealand for two months and i maybe heard this question five times despite the fact that i met tens of new people daily. Kiwis don't care what you do because they know there is so much more to life. Sure, if they know you long enough they'll ask you but they can relate to you just fine without knowing.
so right now, i'm not doing nothing, i'm doing everything.
when was the last time you just sat and did nothing but listen to yourself think? breathe? enjoy that soup you made (take as long to eat it as you did to cook it), watch the rain run down the window, look at a painting (really look into it), take a nap, have a conversation with someone you just met at the market, draw a picture (even though you can't)? the point is, when was the last time you didn't have to worry about what you were going to do after you're doing what you're doing right now?
the surprising thing is i've found that all of these things are incredibly more rewarding and more difficult to do when they are spontaneous.
if you are anything like i was, you would never had really asked yourself what you were doing in your job, in your life. throughout my whole life i had been trying to get that grade to get into that school to get that job to get that money. but i never stopped to ask myself why i was doing any of it.
once i started asking, i didn't like the answers i came up with.
i worked in high tech. we built products that, although they often pushed the limits of technology, were really poisoning the earth and society in tangible ways. now i wasn't in the defense industry. i wasn't building weapons of mass destruction. maybe making video encoders isn't 100% awful. maybe only 30% awful. i may not like TV, but who's to say that others don't glean enjoyment from it? they obviously do. couldn't that be enough for me? to make other people happy?
but driving to/from work 2 hours a day at an everage speed of 35 mph, sitting in a cubicle, designing these products that were manufactured with toxic chemicals, that would be around sitting in heaps of trash that my great-great-grandkids could scale - for what? for television? for a nice paycheck? no way. i was voting with my feet. the natural beauty of the world means too much to me to contribute to a way of life that i don't agree with. i enjoyed working with the people in my company, but all the while hating the structure, hating the premise, hating our effect, and dying a little bit everyday.
i was on the wrong path. and i knew it.
i saw the excellent documentary the corporation the week before i quit. i felt that i had to do something. i went through a period of hating corporate capitalism.
renewed hope came with a trip to New Zealand, where my faith in people was a little bit restored. these people really led balanced lives. most had multiple jobs and nearly all were active. they were an example for the world. it didn't hurt that their country was beautiful either, encouraging them all the while to get outside.
while i was there i read the also excellent Ecology of Commerce by Paul Hawken. if you do nothing else for the rest of your life, read this book! the point: we are generating exponential waste in a finite world. it can't go on. and it won't. so we best start doing something about it. it proposes a real way to have capitalism and a sustainable future at the same time.
so the plan will include a little bit of this, and a little bit of that. but whatever i do, i will contribute to making the world a better place.
its scary to ask yourself the question. the answers can be unsettling. but it is worth it. just ask Po Bronson:
You can make decisions to pad your wallet. You can make decisions to maintain proper appearances. You can make decisions because they're safe or predictable. You can make decisions because it'll keep your parents off your back. You can make decisions simply to delay making harder decisions. I began this book because I was drawn, artistically, to those who've made decisions to serve none of those ends. I was interested in people who resisted those pressures and made a decision simply because it was good, or right, or true to their nature - and were willing to be challenged by the consequences.
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