total freedom

by j. krishnamurti. jk was one of the most influential spiritual teachers of modern times. this book was recommended to me by the folks at the yoga retreat and it is really quite an amazing book. its an anthology of jk's most important writings, talks, and discussions.

in summary, his philosophy is that the individual has the power to change the world by becoming totally free from societies constructs and limitations. he shuns organized religions, politics, and any system designed by any group of people. he revokes the notion of an ideal, saying that we have in us, the power to see the world as it really is, not as we would like it to be, or remember it, but as it is now. digging deep down and meeting the conflicts we face through our jobs, relationships, families, and society head on is the only way to understand them and thusly be completely free of them. attempting to solve our conflicts in any other way will eventually only lead to more conflict, pain, and sorrow. with a free mind, one can act freely without an attachment to an outcome. one's life becomes pure action.

it was such an amazing book for me that i could only read one chapter a day, typically in the morning, and write on that which i had just read. it was the only way i could digest it.

here are some ideas that i found particularly compelling:

Conflict
Conflict only exists between two things that are false. Truth and Truth cannot be in conflict. Truth and falsehood cannot be in conflict. Only False and False. The sense of "I" is only a product of the environment. the fears, hopes, longings, prejudices, likes, and personal views which we glorify our temperament are, after all, the result, the product of the environment. So when there is conflict, it is between this "I" and the environment. Struggles of all sorts: job, wife, kids, money - are all a product of the environment. So, because conflict can only arise from a conflict of two falsehoods, the sense of self, the "I" must also be false. This is not surprising when "I" is seen as a product of the environment.

So, you are seeking a means to overcome this environment. For the "I" to conquer the "outside". You do this by attempting to change the environment, or by self-expressing (art, economic adjustment, service to humanity), or creating religions.

There cannot be a perfect environment. Each person has his own idea of what this should be, so it cannot and will not happen. The only thing that can happen is the awakening of intelligence that would allow one to be free of an imperfect environment. Only by questioning the environment can you see that it is false and therefore be free of any environment.

to free the mind, there must be great intensity; there must be this continual alertness, observation, which creates conflict. this alertness itself creates a disturbance, and when there is that crisis, that intensity of conflict, then mind, if it is not escaping, begins to think anew, and that very thinking is eternity itself, ecstasy.

Memory
if my experiences and remembrances of the past are becoming hindrances in the present through their reaction, then i cannot comprehend or live fully, intensely, in the present. if you are aware of that hindrance, aware of it at its depth, not superficially, then the dormant subconscious memory, which is but the lack of understanding and incompleteness of living, disappears, and therefore, you meet each movement of environment, each swiftness of thought, anew.

Loss & Love
so long as there is loneliness, emptiness, insufficiency, which in its outer expression is dependence, there must be pain. and you cannot fill that insufficiency by overcoming obstacles, by substitutions, by escaping or accumulating, which is merely the cunning of the mind lost in the pursuit of gain. you will see how memory creates greater and greater dependence, the continual looking back to an event emotionally, to get a reaction from it, which prevents the full expression of intelligence in the present.

Love
Love is not identification; it is not thought about the loved. You do not think about love when it is there; you think about it only when it is absent, when there is distance between you and the object of your love. When there is direct communion, there is no thought, no image, no revival of memory; it is when the communion breaks, at any level, that the process of thought, of imagination, begins. Love is not of the mind. The mind makes the smoke of envy, of holding, of missing, of recalling the past, of longing for tomorrow, of sorrow and worry; and this effectively smothers the flame. When the smoke is not, the flame is. The two cannot exist together; the thought that they exist together is merely a wish. A wish is a projection of thought, and thought is not love.

Experiment
thinking and feeling without a search for a reward, a result, is true experiment. in real experiencing, real experimenting, there cannot be a search for result, because this experimenting is the movement of creative thought. to experiment, mind must be continually freeing itself from the environment with which it conflicts in its movement, the environment which we call the past.

Resolving Problems
So, the mere search for the solution of your problems is not going to free the mind from creating further problems. As long as this center of self-protectiveness, born of insufficiency, exists, there must be disturbances, tremendous sorrow, and pain; and you cannot free the mind of sorrow by disciplining it not to be insufficient. That is, you cannot discipline yourself, or be influenced by conditions and environment, in order not to be shallow. You say to yourself, "I am shallow; I recognize the fact, and how am I going to get rid of it?" I say, do not seek to get rid of it, which is merely a process of substitution, but become conscious, become aware of what is causing this insufficiency. You cannot compel it; you cannot force it; it cannot be influenced by an ideal, by a fear, by the pursuit of enjoyment and powers. You can find out the cause of insufficiency only through awareness. That is, by looking into environment and piercing into its significance there will be revealed the cunning subtleties of self-protection.

its hot in beijing

from mohawk to nothing

gated communities

awesome

p.s. i can't read my blog from china, i can only post to it. funny that china considers me more dangerous than the new york times.

cultural difference no. 162

so, as you saw in the last post regarding china, some of the culture here can be annoying, but some of the differences are really cool. for one, its common for chinese men to walk around the street after dinner with their shirts pulled up and their bellies sticking out. invariably, their finger is in their belly button. its awesome.

the other thing that many chinese do that is different is that they eat with their mouths open. i was disgusted with this at first, because in the west its obviously considered rude - the sound is a bit gross to me still. but have you ever tried it? i'm not sure if it has anything to do with the olfactory glands, but food tastes WAY better when you eat with your mouth open. i think we've been missing out on 50% of the taste in an effort to be polite. if you are alone, and the sound doesn't ruin your appetite, try it - you'll be amazed.

star wars sucks

so, i was really disappointed with star wars episode 3. i guess in retrospect, there was no way i could have been satisfied after the tradgedies that were episode 1 & 2. sure, 3 was better than 1 & 2. but that's like saying constipation is better than diarrhea. my generation was built upon the ideals of star wars (see the earlier review of sex, drugs, and cocoa puffs), so its disturbing for me to see such a puff piece as a supposed prequel.

Lucas had a tremendous opportunity to show the struggle that eventually turns anakin skywalker to the dark side. i mean this, in essence is what the star wars epic is about. how one moves past the selfish desires and insecurities of the future based on the understanding and good of the greater whole and the understanding of the immediate present. anakin can choose to use hate and fear to try to secure the future of his loved ones, or he can accept that he has no control of the future and love them and all people immediately. This greater story is given short time with a quick discussion between anakin and yoda, and the anti-climactic scene where anakin "turns" to the darkside - an unbelievably emotionally unrealistic 3 minute scene. opportunity squandered. i guess Lucas thought inventing new vehicles for every scene and tying together loose ends that didn't need tying was more important than the actual story.

upon hearing that padame is dead, vader, correct to the cliche, raises his fists in the air and wails, "Nooooooooooooooooo!"

Nooooooooooooooooo, indeed.

a present of presence

We put thirty spokes together and call it a wheel;
But it is on the space where there is nothing
that the utility of the wheel depends.
We turn clay to make a vessel;
But it is on the space where there is nothing
that the utility of the vessel depends.
We pierce doors and windows to make a house;
and it is on these spaces where there is nothing
that the utility of the house depends.
Therefore, just as we take advantage of what is,
we should recognize the utility of what is not.

Lao-tzu
Tao Te Ching

This is an exceedingly hard thing to do:
recognize the utility of what is not.

The western way is to constantly strive for what one does not have. By so doing, are we ever happy? Are we ever satisfied with what we have now at this point? Can we live in the present without concern for the future? Can we forget the past?
My travels have shown me we are incredibly lucky to be born into the situation that we have, yet Americans are leading the way to our own self-destruction: mental illness, obesity, mass-consumption. And from what I have seen, the world is following our example.

I have no answers, only heartbreak. But this too, is what is not. The world is imperfect, and there is utility in that. Don't you think?

Try this: close your eyes. count each of your breaths (an inhale and an exhale is one). see how far you can get without losing track of what number you are on. see how quickly the past infultrates the present, or how our desires for a future other than the present pull you away from your breath. can you get to 10? 100? its very difficult. but the excercise is very instructive to show you just how well you can be in the present. the happiest times in my life are achieved when i am completely present. that's where happiness lives: in the now.