night of the spider

so i recently had to change guesthouses. when you tell the thais that you expect to stay for "around 3 days" they take you literally. so, unable to extend my stay, i moved down the road to this semi-swanky place (i.e., $6/night instead of $2.50).

i immediately took advantage of the hot shower and went out for a bite to eat. when i returned, i found in the bathroom a very large spider. i'm not typically afraid of spiders. but then again california spiders had nothing on this guy. he was the size of my hand.

remembering that things like to kill you in asia, i took a .picture and went to show the receptionist to see if my life was in danger. the conversation went like this:

me: "is this spider poisonous?"
receptionist: {shakes head in the negative}
me: "good spider?"
receptionist: {shakes head in the affirmative}
me: "not bad?"
receptionist: {continues shaking head} "where you find?"
me: "bathroom"
receptionist: {laughs}

so i return to my room %30 confident that the spider will not kill me. besides, he'd have to crawl a long way out of the bathroom to get to the bed, and that seemed unlikely. he seemed happy sitting there doing what spiders that size do. eat water-buffaloes i thought to myself. i didn't want to kill him, so i fell asleep after some reading.

maybe because of this, i have a nightmare. think shaun of the dead without the comedy. i was killing (or at least running away from) zombies in some crappy suburban town. it was a bit freaky. i wake up and go to the bathroom.

i notice the spider is nowhere to be seen.

hmm

as i walk back to the dark room i sleep in, i'm spooked just enough to turn the light on and have a look around. sure enough, not 3 feet from my pillow is my new buddy. maybe because of my nightmare i wasn't super freaked out. i actually took some time considering my options:

1) pick spider up on paper and shoo him outside
2) leave him there and go to sleep (yeah right!)
3) shoo him away from bed and go to sleep (maybe)
4) kill him

i didn't want to kill him. really. mosquitos, yes - dead in an instant. maybe it ain't buddha nature to kill them but i hate those little bloodsuckers. this was a big, hairy, spider who probably ate mosquitos and, like i said, waterbuffaloes. but probably wouldn't bite me. 30% sure of that. so i attempt some combination of 1 & 3.

i approach him with some paper. he sees me move and twitches very quickly - closer to the pillow. wow, he's really fast. this makes me think he can jump and i'm suddenly reliving arachnaphobia with john goodman in my mind. that's it, i thought. the little, i mean big, guy has to go.

so after another hesitation - i really didn't want to do this - i smashed him with my shoe. picked him up with some tissue and threw his twitching lifeless body in the trash. i should mention that as he hit the bottom of the bin his heavy body landed with a thump. that's how big he was.

i fell asleep in about 5 minutes, despite learning that i now have a fear (or atleast dislike) of spiders.

welcome to thailand.