most fortunately it happens, that since reason is incapable of dispelling these [skeptical] clouds, nature herself suffices to that purpose, and cures me of this philosophical melancholy and delirium, either by relaxing this bent of mind, or by some avocation, and lively impression of my senses, which obliterate all these chimeras. I dine, I play a game of backgammon, I converse, and am merry with friends; and when after three or four hours' amusement, I wou'd return to these speculations, they appear so cold, and strain'd, and ridiculous, that I cannot find it in my heart to enter into them any farther.-- David Hume
Thursday, February 03, 2005
escaping reason
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
chiang mai
first, i've posted pictures! you can check them out here and let me know what you think.
scott and i took the luxury option to chiang mai - we flew. bangkok airways is really cool. very short flights and very tasty treats along the way. we arrived and everything was so pleasant, the weather, the prices, the town - wonderful. the old city of chiang mai is surrounded by a moat that is actually somewhat clean and not stinky. this was shocking because a lot of the water in thailand (and generally asia) is polluted and stinky. i was finally happy to be in a city that did not smell like feces.
the first day scott and i rented a motor-scooter and scooted our way around town checking out the various wats (buddhist temples) in the area. every town has its own wat and each was generally built in a different era, for a different king, and for a different purpose. so even though they're all kinda similar, they're all uniquely different. chiang mai has about 3 wats in the city center and a very popular one on top of a mountain overlooking the entire city. brilliant views when the haze/smog isn't terrible, and it wasn't. after the flatness of cambodia, it was refreshing to be around mountains again. at the center of the wat a huge stuppa (spire) was coated in gold foil (real gold!). it shone brilliantly as the setting sun cast its final glows on its terraced pointyness.
the next day we did an introductory cooking class (the main reason i decided to go to thailand in the first place) that did not dissapoint. a thai man and his english wife runa class out of their home out in the burbs. they are well setup and the class is well organized so even novices can feel successful. we cooked thom yum kheung (hot and sour shrimp soup), green curry with chicken, pad thai (noodles with egg and shrimp), minced chicken on cucumber, and a water chestnut desert with sweet coconut cream. it was a lot of fun. i hope to be back to complete the week-long series course where they cover the curries in greater depth.
the next three days we went on a trek to a hill tribe in northeastern thialand. despite a horrible pickup truck taxi ride that took 3 hours, we were tramped our way about an hour to a village stocked with elephants. i was a bit nervous about riding the elephants after hearing horror stories about how they can sometimes be treated, but this hill tribe (the Karen hill tribe) treated them very very well. it was a blast. a bit uncomfortable after 1.5 hours on their backs, but well worth it.
after leaving the elephants we walked another hour to the Karen village. their language is not thai but sounds softer and more polynesian. we learned how to say thank you, "dub loo". it was amazing to see how simply these people lived. very basic huts and a diet of mostly rice. they all kept pigs and chickens but it was explained to us that those were only for special occasions. mostly they ate small fish, birds, frogs, and vegetables. we got a tour of the village and got to sit in some of their huts. each hut was the most basic bamboo flooring and siding with banana leaf roofs. at the center of each hut was the fire used for cooking and warmth. it gets very cold in the mountains at night. during the day it would be in the 90s, but at night it would be near 40!
the next day was spent walking through the jungle and across riverbeds. our lunches were noodles with egg bundled in banana leaf packets and we ate fresh pineapple often. another night in a hut, this time without a surounding village. the following day we took bamboo rafts about 2 hours down river. very quickly and expertly constructed and pilotes by some karen boys, these rafts were flexible enough to get us through some rapids and shallow enough to skim across the falling river line.
the trek was awesome. i could have gone for many more days, but it was time to get back to bangkok and say goodbye to scotty and get ready for sean. he'll be here tomorrow night and i'm island bound again! more diving, sand, and sun!
scott and i took the luxury option to chiang mai - we flew. bangkok airways is really cool. very short flights and very tasty treats along the way. we arrived and everything was so pleasant, the weather, the prices, the town - wonderful. the old city of chiang mai is surrounded by a moat that is actually somewhat clean and not stinky. this was shocking because a lot of the water in thailand (and generally asia) is polluted and stinky. i was finally happy to be in a city that did not smell like feces.
the first day scott and i rented a motor-scooter and scooted our way around town checking out the various wats (buddhist temples) in the area. every town has its own wat and each was generally built in a different era, for a different king, and for a different purpose. so even though they're all kinda similar, they're all uniquely different. chiang mai has about 3 wats in the city center and a very popular one on top of a mountain overlooking the entire city. brilliant views when the haze/smog isn't terrible, and it wasn't. after the flatness of cambodia, it was refreshing to be around mountains again. at the center of the wat a huge stuppa (spire) was coated in gold foil (real gold!). it shone brilliantly as the setting sun cast its final glows on its terraced pointyness.
the next day we did an introductory cooking class (the main reason i decided to go to thailand in the first place) that did not dissapoint. a thai man and his english wife runa class out of their home out in the burbs. they are well setup and the class is well organized so even novices can feel successful. we cooked thom yum kheung (hot and sour shrimp soup), green curry with chicken, pad thai (noodles with egg and shrimp), minced chicken on cucumber, and a water chestnut desert with sweet coconut cream. it was a lot of fun. i hope to be back to complete the week-long series course where they cover the curries in greater depth.
the next three days we went on a trek to a hill tribe in northeastern thialand. despite a horrible pickup truck taxi ride that took 3 hours, we were tramped our way about an hour to a village stocked with elephants. i was a bit nervous about riding the elephants after hearing horror stories about how they can sometimes be treated, but this hill tribe (the Karen hill tribe) treated them very very well. it was a blast. a bit uncomfortable after 1.5 hours on their backs, but well worth it.
after leaving the elephants we walked another hour to the Karen village. their language is not thai but sounds softer and more polynesian. we learned how to say thank you, "dub loo". it was amazing to see how simply these people lived. very basic huts and a diet of mostly rice. they all kept pigs and chickens but it was explained to us that those were only for special occasions. mostly they ate small fish, birds, frogs, and vegetables. we got a tour of the village and got to sit in some of their huts. each hut was the most basic bamboo flooring and siding with banana leaf roofs. at the center of each hut was the fire used for cooking and warmth. it gets very cold in the mountains at night. during the day it would be in the 90s, but at night it would be near 40!
the next day was spent walking through the jungle and across riverbeds. our lunches were noodles with egg bundled in banana leaf packets and we ate fresh pineapple often. another night in a hut, this time without a surounding village. the following day we took bamboo rafts about 2 hours down river. very quickly and expertly constructed and pilotes by some karen boys, these rafts were flexible enough to get us through some rapids and shallow enough to skim across the falling river line.
the trek was awesome. i could have gone for many more days, but it was time to get back to bangkok and say goodbye to scotty and get ready for sean. he'll be here tomorrow night and i'm island bound again! more diving, sand, and sun!
Saturday, January 29, 2005
vote or die, or, vote and die
say what you want about the iraqi election, but those who are brave enough to do so are nothing short of heroic. fingers crossed.
khmer kulture
as i was leaving cambodia, i've realized that more should be said about its people. in short, they're amazing. they're so warm and friendly despite years of bloodshed, oppression, and terror. even in the relatively shocking border crossing incident we were directed where to go by the locals.
many are trying to learn english. my motorcycle guide kept asking me how to spell words. one night when i couldn't sleep i helped the night receptionist work on his english homework.
being the dumb american that i am, i didn't realize just how much of the vietnam war was fought in cambodia itself. many landmines are still left from the vietnam war, the pol pot regime, and the khmer rouge. they are tough conditions to live in, their consciousness must be scarred. but they keep smiling right through it.
many are trying to learn english. my motorcycle guide kept asking me how to spell words. one night when i couldn't sleep i helped the night receptionist work on his english homework.
being the dumb american that i am, i didn't realize just how much of the vietnam war was fought in cambodia itself. many landmines are still left from the vietnam war, the pol pot regime, and the khmer rouge. they are tough conditions to live in, their consciousness must be scarred. but they keep smiling right through it.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
holiday in cambodia
so, i book this bus ride from the east coast of thailand to siem riep, cambodia. that was my first mistake. it was a lot of money ($25). they say that you will get to siem riep by 5pm. those people lie. we got to the border ok if not a bit late, then you have to transfer busses across the border.
as we entered no-mans-land: blind people, children, and cripples (from landmines evidently) are begging for money - its a tough sight, and if i had any doubt that cambodia is a third world country it was now gone. we were told a story by the visa officials that we pissed off our bus ride by being late. the only thing we could do was catch another bus (and thereby pay more money). There is no way to tell if we had been scammed or not, but we negotiated the last bus out of town for $10 each (also a lot of money around here).
the bus ride was horrible. imagine a steel crate on wheels with uncomfortable seats and windows and doors that rattle. it hardly worked but that wasn't the biggest problem. there are only dirt roads in cambodia (at least from the border to where we were going). the first 15 minutes were an assault on the senses. i asked how long the ride was. 9 hours. christ. so we bumped and rolled and slammed our way to siem reap - the bus bounced and rattled and was hot and dusty. it was so tiring, but falling asleep wasn't an option - if you fell asleep with your head on your right shoulder, sooner than later the bus would hit a bump, sending your head smashing into the window on your left. that's bumpy.
sleeping was a bad idea regardless of the pain it inflicted - there was much to see. we careened (sometimes dangerously so) through very very poor villages. most shacks are built on minefields here and there are signs everywhere warning of it. it was good for me to see the way these people live - the extreme poverty of it all. the dangerous situation. the dust from the roads coating the shacks in which they live and probably their lungs. there was so so much dust. but despite this, their spirits were very high. everytime the bus rolled through, children (and some adults) waved with big smiles on their faces. they knew were were bringing money to their country, and money is desperately what they need.
still, parts of the ride were beautiful and i'm glad i did it. the big red sun setting and the burning rice fields were surreal and reminded me of scenes from baraka. we arrived at 11pm and this proves how crafty these people are - they know you're tired, and so they drive you to their guesthouse and since they have beds and a shower (which is all i wanted at that point) and you can't even think about using your spine to walk away you say "i'll take it."
after a 24-hour battle with food poisoning, scott and i visited the many temples of the angkor wat area. these are absolutely amazing and defy description. i'm sure you've seen pictures (and you could see mine if these computers had a USB port), especially of Ta Prohm, with banyan trees growing on the ruins. monks, wrapped in saffron-robes leap from the grey scenes of the ruins. their smiles beaming, welcoming. its majestic, its awe-inspiring, and i feel blessed to have been here to experience it. it was worth it. more than worth it.
scotty leaves soon, so we're headed to chiang mai on friday (by airplane, thank god) to squeeze in a little more thailand.
as we entered no-mans-land: blind people, children, and cripples (from landmines evidently) are begging for money - its a tough sight, and if i had any doubt that cambodia is a third world country it was now gone. we were told a story by the visa officials that we pissed off our bus ride by being late. the only thing we could do was catch another bus (and thereby pay more money). There is no way to tell if we had been scammed or not, but we negotiated the last bus out of town for $10 each (also a lot of money around here).
the bus ride was horrible. imagine a steel crate on wheels with uncomfortable seats and windows and doors that rattle. it hardly worked but that wasn't the biggest problem. there are only dirt roads in cambodia (at least from the border to where we were going). the first 15 minutes were an assault on the senses. i asked how long the ride was. 9 hours. christ. so we bumped and rolled and slammed our way to siem reap - the bus bounced and rattled and was hot and dusty. it was so tiring, but falling asleep wasn't an option - if you fell asleep with your head on your right shoulder, sooner than later the bus would hit a bump, sending your head smashing into the window on your left. that's bumpy.
sleeping was a bad idea regardless of the pain it inflicted - there was much to see. we careened (sometimes dangerously so) through very very poor villages. most shacks are built on minefields here and there are signs everywhere warning of it. it was good for me to see the way these people live - the extreme poverty of it all. the dangerous situation. the dust from the roads coating the shacks in which they live and probably their lungs. there was so so much dust. but despite this, their spirits were very high. everytime the bus rolled through, children (and some adults) waved with big smiles on their faces. they knew were were bringing money to their country, and money is desperately what they need.
still, parts of the ride were beautiful and i'm glad i did it. the big red sun setting and the burning rice fields were surreal and reminded me of scenes from baraka. we arrived at 11pm and this proves how crafty these people are - they know you're tired, and so they drive you to their guesthouse and since they have beds and a shower (which is all i wanted at that point) and you can't even think about using your spine to walk away you say "i'll take it."
after a 24-hour battle with food poisoning, scott and i visited the many temples of the angkor wat area. these are absolutely amazing and defy description. i'm sure you've seen pictures (and you could see mine if these computers had a USB port), especially of Ta Prohm, with banyan trees growing on the ruins. monks, wrapped in saffron-robes leap from the grey scenes of the ruins. their smiles beaming, welcoming. its majestic, its awe-inspiring, and i feel blessed to have been here to experience it. it was worth it. more than worth it.
scotty leaves soon, so we're headed to chiang mai on friday (by airplane, thank god) to squeeze in a little more thailand.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
the victim
by saul bellow. beautiful urban fiction that, although difficult to read on a tropical beach, really portrays the ebb and flow of living in new york city by means of interlacing environment and the bizarre social scene it cultivates. the main character really pissed me off and i think that gives credence to bellow's ability. i'll have to try more, maybe in an urban setting. time for another mai tai.
Friday, January 21, 2005
koh chang
the biggest island in the gulf of thailand is koh chang. its on the east coast near cambodia. scott and i met a bunch of folks on the water taxi trip from the mainland. francois and jo (from england), jaime (from canada), and ernest (from holland). after checking out the fairly disgusting tourist mecca of white sands beach (why must german men wear bikini bottoms?), we decided to travel further south to the backpacker area of lonely beach.
apparently lonely beach used to be just that, unpopulated. however, in the last 5 years and still today, tons of development has been going on. we decided to stay at this guesthouse called "the treehouse" which has simple, rustic, thatched-roof bungalows for 250 B ($6/night). the treehouse has a huge deck that is built over the water as well as many hammock under a thatched roof - perfect for reading in the shade. the food is excellent and a bargain - the museli with local fruit is amazing.
there's a beach down the way, coconut trees to climb, and some decent scuba diving. we've spent 5 days here, but could spend many more. they have big, loud parties every night which i'm not so keen on. maybe i'm getting old. i think i'll be back though.
we're off to cambodia tomorrow, to see angkor wat. one of the 7 wonders of the world.
stay tuned for pictures, i'm waiting to find a computer that doesn't shock me when i touch it.
apparently lonely beach used to be just that, unpopulated. however, in the last 5 years and still today, tons of development has been going on. we decided to stay at this guesthouse called "the treehouse" which has simple, rustic, thatched-roof bungalows for 250 B ($6/night). the treehouse has a huge deck that is built over the water as well as many hammock under a thatched roof - perfect for reading in the shade. the food is excellent and a bargain - the museli with local fruit is amazing.
there's a beach down the way, coconut trees to climb, and some decent scuba diving. we've spent 5 days here, but could spend many more. they have big, loud parties every night which i'm not so keen on. maybe i'm getting old. i think i'll be back though.
we're off to cambodia tomorrow, to see angkor wat. one of the 7 wonders of the world.
stay tuned for pictures, i'm waiting to find a computer that doesn't shock me when i touch it.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
bangkok
i arrived in bangkok at 1 in the morning. i was told that a good, cheap place to stay is khosan road so i jumped in a cab and arrived around 2am. khosan road apparently is a huge backpacker area and when i arrived the main street was open to pedestrian traffic only so i walked up and down looking for a place to crash. people were super drunk on the street at this point and navigating drunk backpackers and scamming tuk-tuk drivers was a bit harsh - after 17 hours on a plane i just wanted to get horizontal.
i took the first thing i found which ended up being an expensive (i.e., $15) room with its own shower and toilet. the next day i found a cheaper place (i.e. $2) that was pretty much just a bed in a room with the toilets down the hall.
i met my uncle's friend joe for lunch and he taught me the ropes a bit. how to say thank you correctly, and how to navigate the city the cheapest easiest way.
bangkok traffic is insane. it is literally gridlock all the time. using a combination of tuk-tuks (little 3 wheel carts), the sky train, and water taxis (not to mention good ol foot power) its not hard to get around.
i picked up scott from the airport and we hung out in bangkok for a few days, visiting wats and buddhas. the climactic point came on my birthday in bangkok. scott and i met some english folks that were really a great time. they were hammered and so were we. one had a little girl who was 8. she was really into eating the bugs that they sell on the street. they're typically a collection of larvae, grasshoppers, locusts, grubs, and frogs all friend up and salted with sauce. she and i would dare each other to eat one until the whole bag was gone.
that said, the food here is really really good, although it hasn't been as hot as i'd like it. i think they mellow it out cause i'm white. i'll have to learn how to say "gimme your best shot" in thai.
scott and i are headed east next. the beaches and water of koh chang are calling.
i took the first thing i found which ended up being an expensive (i.e., $15) room with its own shower and toilet. the next day i found a cheaper place (i.e. $2) that was pretty much just a bed in a room with the toilets down the hall.
i met my uncle's friend joe for lunch and he taught me the ropes a bit. how to say thank you correctly, and how to navigate the city the cheapest easiest way.
bangkok traffic is insane. it is literally gridlock all the time. using a combination of tuk-tuks (little 3 wheel carts), the sky train, and water taxis (not to mention good ol foot power) its not hard to get around.
i picked up scott from the airport and we hung out in bangkok for a few days, visiting wats and buddhas. the climactic point came on my birthday in bangkok. scott and i met some english folks that were really a great time. they were hammered and so were we. one had a little girl who was 8. she was really into eating the bugs that they sell on the street. they're typically a collection of larvae, grasshoppers, locusts, grubs, and frogs all friend up and salted with sauce. she and i would dare each other to eat one until the whole bag was gone.
that said, the food here is really really good, although it hasn't been as hot as i'd like it. i think they mellow it out cause i'm white. i'll have to learn how to say "gimme your best shot" in thai.
scott and i are headed east next. the beaches and water of koh chang are calling.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
sawadee khrap
i've landed. i was expecting tokyo to be a very advanced airport with teleportation and everything. turns out its super lame. i had to go through security 3 times to transfer planes and take a bus 15 minutes between terminals. good thing there was plenty of time between my flights. time to sample the street food of bangkok.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
red state + blue state = poo state
so i was reading The Atlantic on BART today and got to thinking about the election and how the US is supposed to be so polarized. But Kerry and Bush shared a common vision for the Middle East: get tough(er). And the problem is, this is what sells to Americans - toughness. It's why we love football, and Vin Diesel movies, and NASCAR. They're gritty. Americans don't like to think they can lose (e.g. Vietnam). But its also why we will lose "the war on terrorism" by fighting it the way we are. I think this bravado is a pretty scary trait of a people (my people!) who need to suck it up, and put some diplomacy and outreach and aid into the countries whose churches we are bombing, houses we are raiding, and children we are killing. Yes, get the hell out of there - that's why we're hated to begin with; but install aid and go back home and spend the money not on oil independence, but a reduction in oil consumption.
Sunday, January 09, 2005
house of flying daggers
by Zhang Yimou, who also did Hero. I didn't like this as much as Hero, but still liked it. There is a plot twist that puts some off, but I didn't mind it. The use of color is really brilliant (but not as overt as Hero) and there is a fight scene in a bamboo forest that was very dreamy (serendipitous, being how much i've been thinking about bamboo recently). At the end the protagonist Mei makes what i thought a totally understandable non-decision between her two lovers. Go see it.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
sex, drugs, and cocoa puffs
i'm giddy about this book that my roomate greg suggested to me. its by chuck klosterman. its essentially a pop-culture rant but its wicked smart. the 23 questions he asks everyone before he decides if he really can love them. the reason gen-xers are lazy is because we grew up with the downer of empire strikes back as our guidebook to life. and these nuggets:
Every relationship is fundamentally a power struggle, and the individual in power is whoever likes the other person less.
If given a choice between hearing a great band and seeing a cool band, I'll take the latter every single time; this is why the Eagles suck.
"Where are we?" And if someone wanted to use Pam[ela Anderson] as a metaphor for the decline of American morality and the vapidity of modern relationships, they could point out that phrase as an illuminating example of a lost generation.
Monday, January 03, 2005
thai tsunamis
a lot of people are asking me if i'm still going to thailand in light of the horrific events in southeast asia. i can only say that i am absolutely still going. thailand is a large country and i believe i'll be able to enjoy my time there. i'm sure the national mood will be changed somewhat (how can it not be?) but i've heard inspiring reports of thai resiliency. if the areas of the southwest such as Phuket and the coastline are in too much dissaray, i obviously won't be going there. this flu has been bad enough, i don't want to try my luck with cholera.
Saturday, January 01, 2005
packing sucks
so i'm moving. again. this time i'm just packing everything up in storage. its always a real emotional thing for me to move. i get attached to spaces and places very easily. i'm going to have to go through a lot of memories to move. pictures i've taken while here, books i've read on that couch over there, the way the light comes through that window and lays across my black sheets in perfectly parallel little tangrams.
but right now i'm procrastinating. i'm supposed to be completely moved out by tomorrow morning and i haven't even started yet. i realize that most of this procrastinating is not wanting to leave the good that i've had here: i love this neighborhood, i love the friends i live with, i love the memories that i've made here.
moreso, i think (as crazy as this may sound) i'm waiting for a love that was supposed to move from this point to another. in my mind's eye from the moment i moved into this place until this very moment that i'm sitting here looking at all the crap on my floor, i had always imagined i'd be moving out to be with someone else. and this isn't the case. and i've known for almost half the time i've lived here that this was not going to be the case. its over. and it can be no other way. but that is the hesitation: i'm finally mourning the death of a dream. one of those private little dreams that you want desperately to be true but that you don't tell anyone about because they sound so silly. they show how childish you are. in the dream i would pack these boxes and move to be with her. and i would be whistling, and still sad to be leaving my friends and a wonderful neighborhood, but elated, confident, and in love. its an old dream, and one i need to let go of. in a week i will be travelling again and discovering new dreams every day. i'm stoked for that.
but not yet. i want one more night. i'm going to fall asleep in my black sheets one last night with the possibility, however unlikely, that the old dream might come true. the dream deserves it.
but right now i'm procrastinating. i'm supposed to be completely moved out by tomorrow morning and i haven't even started yet. i realize that most of this procrastinating is not wanting to leave the good that i've had here: i love this neighborhood, i love the friends i live with, i love the memories that i've made here.
moreso, i think (as crazy as this may sound) i'm waiting for a love that was supposed to move from this point to another. in my mind's eye from the moment i moved into this place until this very moment that i'm sitting here looking at all the crap on my floor, i had always imagined i'd be moving out to be with someone else. and this isn't the case. and i've known for almost half the time i've lived here that this was not going to be the case. its over. and it can be no other way. but that is the hesitation: i'm finally mourning the death of a dream. one of those private little dreams that you want desperately to be true but that you don't tell anyone about because they sound so silly. they show how childish you are. in the dream i would pack these boxes and move to be with her. and i would be whistling, and still sad to be leaving my friends and a wonderful neighborhood, but elated, confident, and in love. its an old dream, and one i need to let go of. in a week i will be travelling again and discovering new dreams every day. i'm stoked for that.
but not yet. i want one more night. i'm going to fall asleep in my black sheets one last night with the possibility, however unlikely, that the old dream might come true. the dream deserves it.
Friday, December 31, 2004
hola señor influenza
ick. i'm sick. i can't remember the last time i felt this bad. i think the last time i felt like this was high school. can it really have been that long ago that i got the flu? this is day four of me being totally on my ass. i've gotten really good at NFL 2k5 on scott's Xbox though. the shitty thing about being sick is that i can't even read. my brains feel like scrambled eggs and breathing is even hard. what i want to know is how can the snot from my nose be a different color than that from my lungs?
Monday, December 27, 2004
carribean cruisy christmas
so i spent christmas day cruising through the carribean with my mom and sister. it was my first, and probably my last, cruise. here's why:
the ship, for all intents and purposes is a hotel. a nice hotel, but still a hotel. it floats so at times can be quite sickening, but because of its size and the control they put into the stabilizers is usually just fine. the food is all included, and while good, is not fantastic. in fact, none of the dishes i had were even worth mentioning. they charged for the alcohol and were contantly pushing you to buy more things. the shore excursions that were organized through the cruiseline were more expensive than if you booked it on your own.
i did meet some wonderful people on the ship. there was this awesome family from colorado that i met scuba diving - their whole family dove (brilliantly at that). and another couple from england that added some much needed comic relief. i banded together with some twenty-somethings because there was fuck-all for our age group to do onboard. there was a disco that was open till 2am with the worst DJ i've ever heard. he sure knew how to empty a full dancefloor.
the best times i spent were off the ship. scuba diving, hiking, snorkeling, walking and driving through the towns.
the hurricane devastation in grenada was dumbfounding. same in st. kitts. i kept asking myself, why aren't these people living in domes made of cob?
the ship, for all intents and purposes is a hotel. a nice hotel, but still a hotel. it floats so at times can be quite sickening, but because of its size and the control they put into the stabilizers is usually just fine. the food is all included, and while good, is not fantastic. in fact, none of the dishes i had were even worth mentioning. they charged for the alcohol and were contantly pushing you to buy more things. the shore excursions that were organized through the cruiseline were more expensive than if you booked it on your own.
i did meet some wonderful people on the ship. there was this awesome family from colorado that i met scuba diving - their whole family dove (brilliantly at that). and another couple from england that added some much needed comic relief. i banded together with some twenty-somethings because there was fuck-all for our age group to do onboard. there was a disco that was open till 2am with the worst DJ i've ever heard. he sure knew how to empty a full dancefloor.
the best times i spent were off the ship. scuba diving, hiking, snorkeling, walking and driving through the towns.
the hurricane devastation in grenada was dumbfounding. same in st. kitts. i kept asking myself, why aren't these people living in domes made of cob?
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
the plan
so everyone asks me, "so what are you going to do?" and i used to enjoy answering with a shrug, "i dunno." i enjoyed the look on people's faces when i conveyed that i obviously didn't give a shit. but that's a lie. i do care what i'm going to do, and its going to be amazing. its amazing now. but the question itself is starting to get on my nerves. my current diffusing answer is, "i'm doing it." although an excellent conversation stopper, it doesn't help people understand what i'm thinking.
and i want to tell you what i'm thinking. because i care about letting you in. here is what i'm thinking:
the question stems from our total inability to live in the present. i think this is a malignant effect of our over-consumptive, status-based society. what's the first question you get at a party after introductions? "What do you do?" i was in New Zealand for two months and i maybe heard this question five times despite the fact that i met tens of new people daily. Kiwis don't care what you do because they know there is so much more to life. Sure, if they know you long enough they'll ask you but they can relate to you just fine without knowing.
so right now, i'm not doing nothing, i'm doing everything.
when was the last time you just sat and did nothing but listen to yourself think? breathe? enjoy that soup you made (take as long to eat it as you did to cook it), watch the rain run down the window, look at a painting (really look into it), take a nap, have a conversation with someone you just met at the market, draw a picture (even though you can't)? the point is, when was the last time you didn't have to worry about what you were going to do after you're doing what you're doing right now?
the surprising thing is i've found that all of these things are incredibly more rewarding and more difficult to do when they are spontaneous.
if you are anything like i was, you would never had really asked yourself what you were doing in your job, in your life. throughout my whole life i had been trying to get that grade to get into that school to get that job to get that money. but i never stopped to ask myself why i was doing any of it.
once i started asking, i didn't like the answers i came up with.
i worked in high tech. we built products that, although they often pushed the limits of technology, were really poisoning the earth and society in tangible ways. now i wasn't in the defense industry. i wasn't building weapons of mass destruction. maybe making video encoders isn't 100% awful. maybe only 30% awful. i may not like TV, but who's to say that others don't glean enjoyment from it? they obviously do. couldn't that be enough for me? to make other people happy?
but driving to/from work 2 hours a day at an everage speed of 35 mph, sitting in a cubicle, designing these products that were manufactured with toxic chemicals, that would be around sitting in heaps of trash that my great-great-grandkids could scale - for what? for television? for a nice paycheck? no way. i was voting with my feet. the natural beauty of the world means too much to me to contribute to a way of life that i don't agree with. i enjoyed working with the people in my company, but all the while hating the structure, hating the premise, hating our effect, and dying a little bit everyday.
i was on the wrong path. and i knew it.
i saw the excellent documentary the corporation the week before i quit. i felt that i had to do something. i went through a period of hating corporate capitalism.
renewed hope came with a trip to New Zealand, where my faith in people was a little bit restored. these people really led balanced lives. most had multiple jobs and nearly all were active. they were an example for the world. it didn't hurt that their country was beautiful either, encouraging them all the while to get outside.
while i was there i read the also excellent Ecology of Commerce by Paul Hawken. if you do nothing else for the rest of your life, read this book! the point: we are generating exponential waste in a finite world. it can't go on. and it won't. so we best start doing something about it. it proposes a real way to have capitalism and a sustainable future at the same time.
so the plan will include a little bit of this, and a little bit of that. but whatever i do, i will contribute to making the world a better place.
its scary to ask yourself the question. the answers can be unsettling. but it is worth it. just ask Po Bronson:
and i want to tell you what i'm thinking. because i care about letting you in. here is what i'm thinking:
the question stems from our total inability to live in the present. i think this is a malignant effect of our over-consumptive, status-based society. what's the first question you get at a party after introductions? "What do you do?" i was in New Zealand for two months and i maybe heard this question five times despite the fact that i met tens of new people daily. Kiwis don't care what you do because they know there is so much more to life. Sure, if they know you long enough they'll ask you but they can relate to you just fine without knowing.
so right now, i'm not doing nothing, i'm doing everything.
when was the last time you just sat and did nothing but listen to yourself think? breathe? enjoy that soup you made (take as long to eat it as you did to cook it), watch the rain run down the window, look at a painting (really look into it), take a nap, have a conversation with someone you just met at the market, draw a picture (even though you can't)? the point is, when was the last time you didn't have to worry about what you were going to do after you're doing what you're doing right now?
the surprising thing is i've found that all of these things are incredibly more rewarding and more difficult to do when they are spontaneous.
if you are anything like i was, you would never had really asked yourself what you were doing in your job, in your life. throughout my whole life i had been trying to get that grade to get into that school to get that job to get that money. but i never stopped to ask myself why i was doing any of it.
once i started asking, i didn't like the answers i came up with.
i worked in high tech. we built products that, although they often pushed the limits of technology, were really poisoning the earth and society in tangible ways. now i wasn't in the defense industry. i wasn't building weapons of mass destruction. maybe making video encoders isn't 100% awful. maybe only 30% awful. i may not like TV, but who's to say that others don't glean enjoyment from it? they obviously do. couldn't that be enough for me? to make other people happy?
but driving to/from work 2 hours a day at an everage speed of 35 mph, sitting in a cubicle, designing these products that were manufactured with toxic chemicals, that would be around sitting in heaps of trash that my great-great-grandkids could scale - for what? for television? for a nice paycheck? no way. i was voting with my feet. the natural beauty of the world means too much to me to contribute to a way of life that i don't agree with. i enjoyed working with the people in my company, but all the while hating the structure, hating the premise, hating our effect, and dying a little bit everyday.
i was on the wrong path. and i knew it.
i saw the excellent documentary the corporation the week before i quit. i felt that i had to do something. i went through a period of hating corporate capitalism.
renewed hope came with a trip to New Zealand, where my faith in people was a little bit restored. these people really led balanced lives. most had multiple jobs and nearly all were active. they were an example for the world. it didn't hurt that their country was beautiful either, encouraging them all the while to get outside.
while i was there i read the also excellent Ecology of Commerce by Paul Hawken. if you do nothing else for the rest of your life, read this book! the point: we are generating exponential waste in a finite world. it can't go on. and it won't. so we best start doing something about it. it proposes a real way to have capitalism and a sustainable future at the same time.
so the plan will include a little bit of this, and a little bit of that. but whatever i do, i will contribute to making the world a better place.
its scary to ask yourself the question. the answers can be unsettling. but it is worth it. just ask Po Bronson:
You can make decisions to pad your wallet. You can make decisions to maintain proper appearances. You can make decisions because they're safe or predictable. You can make decisions because it'll keep your parents off your back. You can make decisions simply to delay making harder decisions. I began this book because I was drawn, artistically, to those who've made decisions to serve none of those ends. I was interested in people who resisted those pressures and made a decision simply because it was good, or right, or true to their nature - and were willing to be challenged by the consequences.
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